Never Did I Think
by Mitzia
Summary: Never did I think my one chance at greatness would be shattered because of my stupidity. Never did I think I would recover from that depression. Never did I think that I could return to what I thought I would spend the rest of my life doing. Never did I think that showing that stupid routine to Yuko would change my life forever. Never did I think that he would be waiting for me.


Never did I think that going to Minako's dance studio with Yuko would become a habit.

Never did I think that she would see some sort of potential in my dancing when all I ever did was listen to her direction.

Never did I think that I'd take Minako up on her suggestion to try skating at Ice Castle.

Never did I think I had any interest in it until Yuko went with me when we were children.

Never did I think I would get up after Nishigori would always push me down nor did I think he would be one of my closest friends.

Never did I think that I would be so captivated by that foreign skater Yuko showed me on her computer.

Never did I think I would buy as many posters as I could of him for my room at the onsen.

Never did I think I would aspire to be on the same rink as him and stand side by side on the podiums.

Never did I think I could convince mom and dad to get a poodle just like Makkachin so I could be one step closer to being like him.

Never did I think they would support me in my dreams of being a figure skater instead of taking over the family business like I knew they wanted me to.

Never did I think I'd move so far away from home on another continent for something I was so passionate about.

Never did I think I'd meet a confidant and trusting friend in Phichit.

Never did I think I'd be even remotely close to qualifying for the Grand Prix Final.

Never did I think I would see the day when Vicchan wasn't waiting for me back home at the onsen.

Never did I think my one chance at greatness would be shattered because of my stupidity.

Never did I think I would recover from that depression.

Never did I think that I could return to what I thought I would spend the rest of my life doing.

Never did I think that showing that stupid routine to Yuko would change my life forever.

Never did I think that the triplets were recording my performance just to put it online for the whole world to see.

Never did I think that he or any other reputable skater would actually see it or that it would go viral in the first place.

Never did I think that he would be waiting for me in the onsen we ran my whole life.

Never did I think he would willingly come to be my coach without a crew behind him filming for a prank show.

Never did I think he would see potential in a failure like me.

Never did I think he would set aside a track record like his for someone as foolish and inept as me.

Never did I think I would spark a rivalry with the up-and-coming Russian skater with the same name as mine.

Never did I think I would win the competition between us to gain him as a coach.

Never did I think he would want to get to know me on a personal level rather than stay as student and coach.

Never did I think he would help me when I couldn't even help myself.

Never did I think he would support me whenever my nerves made me go out of control before a skate.

Never did I think he would be proud of what I accomplished, even if it didn't meet his standards (or my idea of his standards, anyway).

Never did I think I would choose an emotion such as love to describe my skating, to prove what people meant to me, instead of just using my words like a normal person would.

Never did I think my awful performance at The Cup of China would entice him to the point where he threw himself on me in front of everyone watching.

Never did I think that he, my idol, my inspiration, my coach, would put his lips anywhere near me, let alone on my own.

Never did I think that he would ever do that or that there was ever even a slight chance of him reciprocating those feelings.

Never did I think that he wouldn't be disgusted by me after seeing me at my worst too many times to count.

Never did I think he would continue to stay by my side to the Grand Prix Final in Barcelona.

Never did I think he would accept something as stupid as a ring as a good luck charm.

Never did I think in a million years he would give me the same ring right away with the same thought in mind.

Never did I think that someone I looked up to ever since I was a kid would want to spend their life with me.

Never did I think that someone at all could love me the way he does.

Never did I think anyone could look at me and touch me and make me feel the way he does.

Never did I think I'd be able to find the courage and the confidence to take silver at the Grand Prix Final because he was there for me, because he never once refused to believe in me.

Never did I think I would want to be with someone as much as I wanted to be with him.

Never did I think in my wildest dreams that I would have the pleasure to wake up to his sleeping face every single morning.

Never did I think I would ever get out of my episodes of depression and self-ridicule.

Never did I think I would stop pitying myself over every little thing that went wrong in my life and just focus on all the good because believe me, there is so much good in the world if you just look for it.

Never did I think I would just be happy, truly, truly, happy.

* * *

 **Author's Note  
**

 **I was originally gonna write a lemon because jfc I ship Victuri like fucking Fedex, but I wanted to focus on Yuri's self-esteem. One of the things I love about YOI is the fact that Yuri constantly berates himself and thinks he's the worst at what he does when in reality, he's like a top level figure skater. He literally represented his country in the two GPF. I'm sure everyone feels this way about whatever they do, but him being like a celebrity makes us feel more human and I like that. Not sure where I was going with this exactly, but I hope you enjoyed this insight into Yuri's mind when thinking back on his life. ^_^**

 **Until next time, sayonara~!**


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